Christmas Eve

For Christmas Eve we went to church with my family, Matt and Millie. Afterward we went to eat at the Olive Garden and then home to prepare for Santa. The kids got into their pajamas and then wanted to look for Santa on the computer. We tracked Santa on the NORAD and then Santa called Allyson to tell her that he is on his way! Allyson was so concerned that Santa was going to skip her house that she didn't even want to take the time to put out milk and cookies and rushed to bed. She even went to sleep without her lamp because she didn't want Santa to think she was still awake.


Santa's milk and cookies


Brian "supervising" Santa putting out the presents


Santa has arrived

The kids are all snug in their beds with visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads. :)

Christmas List Part 2

This past week we went and blew Christmas ornaments at Rynoglass. This is now our second year to do this and a great new family tradition.


William's ornament in a mixture of colors


Allyson's ornament in her favorite color pink.


Allyson aka Hannah Montana having Christmas with Matt & Millie


Donating books to the pediatric unit at Darnell Hospital on Fort Hood


Donating toys to the pediatric hematology/oncology unit at Scott and White


Allyson making her chocolate cookies for Santa with little brother supervising


Allyson putting the finishing touches on her letter to Santa

Christmas Checklist Part 1

So I know I haven't posted much lately but things have just been really crazy. I have a hard enough time keeping up with the usual routine of chasing around two kids but the last few weeks have been just plain crazy. It hard enough to find all the time to decorate, shop, attend parties, send out cards, bake (okay you know that didn't happen other than making Santa's cookies but I threw that in for good measure), teaching the kids the true meaning of Christmas (you know Jesus and not Santa), and working over a hundred hours in two weeks. I didn't finish my entire checklist because sleep was at the bottom but I will get to that next week. I wanted to share a few pictures of what we have been up to for Christmas 2008. Here is part 1 of my Christmas checklist.


We started the week after Thanksgiving. The kids first project was to put together Samaritan Purse boxes. For those that may not know, Operation Christmas Child brings joy and hope to children in desperate situations around the world through gift-filled shoe boxes and the Good News of God’s love. We sent a gift to a 4 year old girl and 2 year old boy. We shared a letter, pictures and told about celebrating Christmas. We also sent a return envelop in hopes of receiving a letter back from our child.


Next came decorating the house. I have to admit that for me this is more of a chore. I don't enjoy dragging out all of this stuff and really hate clutter. I do this for the kids because I want them to have these memories. I wish I could be more creative and organize like some of my friends and put together a gorgous house for the holiday but who am I kidding. I love this picture because if you click on it you can see all the wonderful picture cards we have received from the people we love and get a closer look at the wondeful stockings my Grandmother has cross stitched for us.


I let the kids decorate the tree this year. That is why 3/4 of the ornaments are only on the bottom 3 feet of the tree. They are happy that they got to decorate and I'm happy that I didn't have to do it all. It's a win-win situation.


Just had to share this picture. Allyson calls it her "sexy pose". What is a sexy pose at 4 years old?!?


We will never forget our angel baby. I have truly been blessed with three amazing children and they have all taught me so much. I am a better person because of them.



Here is a closer look of Andrew's Christmas blanket. This is a tradition that is predominately done in the north but I just love the idea. Lucky for me I have another creative friend that makes any custom order that I can come up with.



Finally we finished up our Christmas card for 2008.


Last but not least to finish up part 1 of my Christmas list we have the picture with Santa. This was the first year to do this. I'm not a big fan of Santa and I'm totally not one of those Moms obsessed with getting that picture each year. This is the first year that Allyson wanted to see him and tell him what she wanted. Unfortunately for William he had to go along for the ride.

Not Me Mondays

Here it is my very first installment of "Not Me Monday"!!!

This weekend, I did not traumatize William by making him sit on Santa's lap.

I did not buy my friend the exact same gift she bought me for Christmas. We are not winos!

I am not still shopping for my kids for Christmas. I did not finish shopping over a month ago and I’m not buying any more presents.

I did not just buy Allyson an $80 play doll. Now that would be crazy!

I did not do the cardinal sin of Christmas and become one of those horrid "regifters!" No not me...how could I do something like that? Really now...

I did not just work 102 hours on my paycheck that I’m getting the Friday after Christmas. That would not be something crazy that I would do.

So what have you not done this week???????

She Wants a "Real Sister Baby" for Christmas

Allyson is busy putting the finishing touches on her letter to Santa. I will post her wish list to Santa on the website along with some new pictures this weekend. One of the items Allyson has been asking for is a "sister baby". William and Allyson love to play babies and house. Both are always carrying around, feeding, rocking, and putting babies down for naps. She tells me that having a baby is "hard work". I'm glad she finally gets that. Ha! At first she wanted a real baby sister but for the last two months she was okay with getting one from Wal-Mart. I knew at this point she was desperate for a new doll because some of you may remember that when Allyson was two years old she told her Nana that she “doesn't do Wal-Mart.” Well for the past couple of weeks she is back to wanting a "real sister baby just like William but a girl". I finally found her a baby doll that looks more like a baby instead of just the generic babies with the hard vinyl heads and the eyes the rolls back when you put them down. Yes, I bought her a Berenguer doll that has been reborn off of Ebay. Some look so real that it is kind of creepy. I think it is beautiful if you collect them as a piece of art but not something I want my 4 year carrying around at the mall. The one she is getting looks like a doll. I just like these because they have hair more like a baby and love the eyes. I’m just curious on what Allyson will name her. So far all of her babies are named “Baby”. I really hope she is a little more creative with this one.



Update:

After the auction the seller responded to me about having some "misgivings" on selling the baby to me for my daughter. She wanted to make sure I knew that the baby contained a magnet in the mouth for the pacifier. She wanted to make sure that I knew that it could be harmful and would be glad to refund my money. She also wanted me to know that I could contact the Poison Control for accurate information in a timely manner. She said her "mind was at peace" when she found out that I actually work there. I thought it was really sweet to know that there are still people in this world that are still concerned about others.

Shopping For Miracles

If you still have any last minute internet shopping please take the time and go through this site. Shop online for the things you would normally buy, from the brands you would normally choose, and at the prices you would normally pay-and raise funds while you do it. We should all take the time and be thankful for our healthy babies and help those that are less fortunate.

The Background behind "The Card"

So I'm finally starting on my Christmas cards. I'm not talking about addressing them. I'm still trying to find a decent picture of the kids. This all started about a month ago when the kids took Christmas/school pictures. I bought a somewhat decent picture from Lifetouch with the intent of scanning them. Unfortunately, I can no longer find my $40 purchase. Really, I'm more upset about loosing my $40 than the pictures. Yesterday I made an appointment and took the kids to Portrait Innovations. I thought this was going to be easy. Here I had a professional photographer that could corral my kids, shoot me a wonderful picture, and use their wonderful professional program to take off any cuts, scraps, or bruises that William has at that moment. This all went a lot smoother in my mind then it did in real life. Our appointment was for 9:30. I thought that would be perfect. The kids would be well rested, fed, and ready for anything. Well, the kids were great but they really weren’t up for following directions. Also the photographer (I use that term extremely loosely) could not get her camera to work so it would flash about 2 seconds after she took the picture. Also all the lighting was off. So after chasing the kids around for 15 minutes, changing clothes, changing room, and shooting more pictures for another 15 minutes it was time to look at the final product. Now, I must add that we have never gone to Sears or Wal-Mart or any place like that to take pictures. I will admit that I’m a photo snob when it comes to pictures of my kids. I have only taken them to Solas Gallery in Salado for all their pictures. Every time we leave there I complain and panic about the money I just spent and have to remind myself that the pictures are worth it and that these are treasured family memories. I regress, so here I’m sitting with the “photographer” looking at the pictures. She puts three pictures up at a time and you pick your “favorite” and she then moves on to the next set of pictures. At the end there are 23 pictures left of the 70 initial photos. She looks at me and says “the package for these 23 poses is $358”. Is she serious? These pictures are crap and so not worth $35. We continue to go though the pictures and I get down to 4 poses. I have two with the kids together and then their individual pictures. The total is now like $75. One was okay to use for the card. They were wearing their Christmas church clothes and sitting under a tree. I asked the “photographer” if she could just brighten the picture up a little and then I would take that. She just looked at me and told me that she doesn’t have a Photoshop program and cannot touch up the pictures. Really? This is a chain picture place and there is no program to fix these pictures? Come on. As I continued to sit there I just can see spending that kind of money during this time of year for something I’m really not happy with. By the end I couldn’t even fake how unsatisfied I was with the entire experience. So I took the one pose for $9.95 special just out of courtesy for wasting her time for an hour and still did not have a picture for the Christmas Card. I called my friend Amy on the way home to see if I could use her yard to attempt on taking the pictures myself. Lucky for me I have an amazing friend with an awesome camera who got a shot that I can live with. The shot isn’t perfect but hey, neither are my kids. Thanks Amy for putting up with me. So now when you get our Christmas card in the mail you will know the background behind the card. Life with small kids is always exciting.

I Passed!

A few of my friends have told me that they have been checking my blog to see if I have heard anything back on the test I took back in September. Well, last Wednesday I found out that I passed my test! Yeah!!! So I'm now officially a Certified Specialist of Poison Information (CSPI). Just some more letters to add behind a name. :)

Flash Back Friday

I'm posting this since I still haven't loaded all of the Halloween pictures

We're off to see the Wizard...


Dorothy & The Scarecrow

I Like To Move It, Move It

We finally took Allyson to see her first movie. We took her to see Madagascar 2 and she loved it! She ate an entire large popcorn and was dancing in her chair. When Gloria, the hippo, is introduced to her love interested Moto Moto Allyson turned to me and said "that looks like Daddy". Brian was less than thrilled with the comment. The character did share some of the same mannerisms but none the less it is a hippo.

Swinging into my 30's

Today was my 30th Birthday and one of my presents was a trapeze class. Here is some footage of the big event.

Here is my 2nd attempt.



The Catch

I'm So Not Ready for Puberty

Tonight while I was giving Allyson and William a bath, Allyson was using her little gardening water can and was putting water on her little nipples. I asked her what she was doing since I found it to be an odd way to wash herself. She told me she was "watering her boobies". I asked her why she was "watering her boobies". To which she replied "so that they will grow into big boobies!"

Anilla and Jelly

So during our visit at my Grandmother's house my brother made the comment about both kids have double "L's" in their name. He asked if that was intentional or coincidental. One day I will have to share the story on how I came up with William's name but the short story is that it was more coincidental. Anyway he asked if we decided to have another would I use a name with a double "L"? We were just playing around trying to come up with double "L" names. I first said if it was a girl we could name her Vanilla but then decided on Anilla so that it would be Allyson and Anilla. We were trying to come up with a boy's name but were not having any luck. We turned to Allyson and asked her if you had another brother what would you name him? She put her little finger on her mouth, looked up in deep thought and stated "Jelly". It just happened to be a double "L" word...perfect!!! So, maybe if there ever is a Stanford #4 it could possibly be Anilla or Jelly.

On a side note, Allyson has requested a "sister baby" for Christmas. I told her that she put her order in too late and she would have to take that gift request to her Dad..hehe! She wants to name her Bella.

In case you are wondering there are no at the moment for Stanford #4.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Today we celebrated my Grandmother's 83rd Birthday.

Through the eyes of a child

A couple of weeks ago we were at the cemetery decorating Andrew's marker for the fall. I had taken my camera to take pictures. Afterward, Allyson, William, and I were walking around the grounds. We go and pick up trash, arrange flowers and just talk. Allyson wanted to run around with my camera. When we got home I was looking at the pictures that she took. I just really enjoyed this one. It's amazing to see the world through her eyes.

Flash Back Friday

Remember...

Today, October 15, is the National Day of Remembrance for pregnancy and infant loss. In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, it has been suggested that grieving parents and family members light a candle at 7 p.m. in their respective time zones to create a wave of light around the world in memory of babies lost to pregnancy and infant loss. Would you join me in this today?


If you are reading this and haven't had the experience of losing a child, then I invite you to join me in praying for these dear families.

Psalm 121
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

The untold stories of motherhood

Just when I make the post that I'm going to start blogging more starting this week I come down with a horrible virus. Yesterday, I got off of work at three o'clock and felt a little nauseated. I thought my queasy stomach was from all the Mexican food I inhaled at lunch but I was so wrong. By five o'clock I was still trying to make it to step class at the gym and thought I could just “shake off” the nausea I was having. At 5:15 I got a horrible headache and could barely move from the pain. By six o'clock I was having full blown vomiting, diarrhea, migraine, and a weird neck pain. The pain was so intense that for a split second I thought I had viral meningitis. I spent a full hour laying on my bathroom floor crying, praying, and trying to decide if I could care for the kids (Brian was at school) or if I need to call some back up. Fortunately Allyson understood what was going on and was trying to help me out as best as possible. Poor William didn't have a clue why his Mommy is laying on the bathroom floor crying. He just sat is little body by my head and kept trying to give me kisses. Usually his kisses fix everything but oh not this time. Luckily the vomiting left as quickly as it came on and by the time Brian came home I was just having stomach pains and a horrible headache. I was all out of Ibuprofen but dug up some old Vicodin and took a sleeping pill. I was determined to put myself out of my misery for a few hours. Today I'm doing a little better. I even managed to drag myself into work around 6 pm for my 4 o’clock shift. Hey, better late than never.

On a side note when Brian came home he asked me how I managed to feed the kids and get them ready for bed. I just told him I sucked it up and managed. The part I left out is that William had a banana, cereal bar, and grapes for dinner while sitting on the bathroom floor!

As moms, we have all had similar experiences we just usually keep them to ourselves.

I promise one day...

I WILL start blogging again. It seems like sometime during the Olympics I got out of the habit of blogging and just never picked it up again. Just when I thought I would get motivated IKE came to visit Galveston. If that wasn't enough I then had to cram for my toxicology test and well, after that I just didn't have anymore brain power. I really thought I would get something done last week since I was home with the kids for the entire week but I was enjoying my time going to story time, McDonald's, visiting friends and catching up on all my shows (in case you don't know I have like 30 shows programmed on the DVR but that is another blog). So enough of the excuses, I hope I'm back but I can't promise that I will have anything worth reading. :)

It's Hard to Blog with Ike in the Gulf

On Wednesday we started getting the first signs that Ike is on his way. Unlike the people living on the coast we don't have to "hunker down" but we do have to prepare for the surge of evacuees that are on their way. The Belton Expo Center is our biggest shelter in the area and Temple High School is holding all the buses that were used to transport the people. Even the church where the kids go to daycare will be providing a shelter area so the daycare is on lock down all day even during pickup and drop off times. During these times if you ever want to find some entertainment just visit the local Wal-Mart. You find people stocking up on bottled water, canned food, batteries, flashlight, etc. By just sitting in the parking lot you would think that we lived in Galveston. It's just crazy. Now I have to be honest, we did do some preparation for Ike. We did have the yard mowed before the rain comes. Just didn't want to mislead anyone to think we didn't do anything at all.

This morning I came into work thinking that it would be a normal Friday morning. Usually on Fridays when I work the day shift it is a cake walk. You mostly get pediatric cases but nothing too complicated. The cases aren't too difficult because most people really don't want to kill themselves on Friday with the weekend coming up. Most of the calls are just pill ID's with people trying to get "their stash" together for Friday night. Well, I was informed that our Galveston center evacuated yesterday at 2 pm so we are now covering our area plus getting the Houston/Galveston area. I'm not complaining about the extra calls. I know if I lived in an area and was warned to evacuate or "face certain death" by the National Weather Service that I would get out of there. From looking at the news this morning it looks like Houston is going to stay and "hunker down" for the storm. I hope that's a good decision at least it will help prevent the gridlock that occured with Rita. Thoush this was a live shot from today.



I just hope these people make it to their destinations. With Rita it was such a fiasco. People where being stranded on the highway because they were running out of gas. The center had a surge of gasoline exposures during this time because people were siphoning gas on the side of the road. I also had people calling because their kids were hot, tired and hungry and they needed help. Talk about feeling helpless. Hopefully the people that want to get out will and the people that stay are in a safe place.

Flash Back Friday

Last night, my friend Tracy sent me two blogs to read. The first is written by an angel's mom and the second blog is by his dad. Unfortunately between last night when I read her blog and this morning she had a change of heart about some of what she wrote and she deleted it. I still wanted to share the blogs. Tracy's email just really made me miss my baby boy. I love to show off my little angels on Flash Back Friday so today I'm dedicating this one to my angel in heaven.



Mommy loves you and misses you.

Allyson's 4th Birthday

Here is Allyson's class singing Happy Birthday. I only got the end of it because I was trying to catch her reaction. She was so embarrassed. Hopefully I will be posting some of the pictures to their site later this week. I can't believe she is already 4. Time is flying by.

Flash Back Friday

My baby girl turned 4 years old on Wednesday. Here is a picture from her big day!

Honk Those Horns

So my brother started Pharmacy school today at The University of Texas (that would be t.u. for half of my friends). He moved up to Austin yesterday and for the next 2.5 days he will be in orientation. It was nice to be on campus this weekend but nothing comparable to going back to AggieLand. Just thinking of my little brother in my "old stompin' grounds" gives me a feeling a pride. He really showed us all how to be a true Aggie and I know that will make an excellent pharmacist. So since we are now on the other side of the Brazos River we can no longer Whoop! but we aren't ready to do the Hook em' so I'll be using Allyson's expression of "Honk the horns!"


For those that don't remember the story here it is. I was unable to link so I had to use the old fashion cut and paste.

December 28th, 2007--"Honk the Horns"

Last night Brian sat down to watch the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl which was Texas vs. Arizona State. Allyson ran over to couch and started screaming "football, football...yeah!" I just laughed and told Brian "looks like you finally found a woman to watch football with." So at the beginning of the game Brian was making his "hook em" sign and trying to teach Allyson to say "Hook em' horns". (He is determined for Allyson to do this one day to her Uncle Jon.) So Allyson finally got her hand sign correct and Brian would say "Hook em'" and Allyson said "No, it's honk the horn, Dad, honk the horn". I showed her the thumbs up "Gigem" sign and so she would but up her thumb and say "honk the horns, honk the horns". That's right Brian this year the Aggies "honked the horns" (okay that sounds just bad). I just laughed. There is still time for her to be an Aggie. She would have made her Uncle Jon proud last night.

Flashback Friday

I haven't been able to blog in the evenings because the entire family has been watching the Olympics. Allyson and I love to watch gymnastics and swimming. Brian also watches beach volleyball. To keep with the Olympic theme the flashback Friday photo goes back to Allyson's first day of gymnastics. Allyson has decided to not take gymnastics for the fall and will be starting ballet/tap with her friend Lillian.

Flashback Friday

So Tuesday marks one year since William's baptism. I guess I never got the pictures from Mom of his actual baptism. So here is a picture of William afterward in his little outfit.

The Last Lecture

Last night Brian and I laid in bed and watched The Last Lecture on Dateline which told the story of Randy Pausch and his battle with pancreatic cancer. I have watched his story before but I sat there last night and sobbed for this man and his family. It just hit me so hard that his three kids will grow up without their father and what an amazing father he seems to be. During his interview Pausch stated "The metaphor I've used is ... somebody's going to push my family off a cliff pretty soon, and I won't be there to catch them. And that breaks my heart. But I have some time to sew some nets to cushion the fall. So, I can curl up in a ball and cry, or I can get to work on the nets." This statement reminded me of something I wrote right after Andrew's death and I thought this is as good as any time to share this.

The week following Andrew's death I took a lot of time to think about my life and myself as a person. At the time I was filled with guilt, anger, and denial but most of all I was filled with a sense of failure. For me this was truly new ground. I have never considered myself a failure. My parents had instilled in me that I able to achieve anything in life with a hard work and determination. Here I was at 28 years old trying to achieve my most valuable dream of having a happy and healthy family and I failed. I failed my dream but most of all I felt like I failed Andrew and he paid the price. My extreme sense of failure as a mother made me start to question my ability to raise Allyson. I was so fearful that my grief and depression was going to drastically change the person that I was or that another freak accident would happen to our family that Allyson would not truly know who her mother was. I know that a child's most influencial role model is their same sex parent and I was determined that if some freak accident was going to occur again to our family that I would leave behind something, no matter how small, so that she would know something about her mother and how much she meant to me. Over the next few days following Andrew's death and planning for his funeral I would lay in bed thinking of him and praying for the future of my daughter and my family. I have pretty much convinced myself that I was probably in some manic state at the time. I was not sleeping much and looking back that time is pretty much a blur. After writing the letter I told Brian about it and where it was in case something ever happend and that I wanted Allyson to have it. Even Brian has never read this letter. It is just something that I thought I would share at this time.
April 2006
To My Allyson,

As I gaze upon your face, touch your hair and smell it's sweet smell, look into those beautiful eyes and see myself looking back, I am struck by how much life has in store for you. There are lessons that you must learn on your own and there are lessons that I hope I can teach you, to give you a firm foundation for whatever the years will bring.

I ask myself, what can I tell this wonderful child about life, what things are important to know, what little bit of truth can I pass on to you? What can I write here that will have meaning, if not now, then in the years to come?

Life is more interesting and richest when it includes people who are not exactly like you. Everyone is different; everyone has their own beliefs and values. Not everyone will accept this--ever. Be one of the ones who does.

Understand that life is unfair and you can't change that. The idea of an amusement park ride may be a lot more fun than the ride itself. Things happen and there's nothing you can do about some of it except persevere. Life does go gloriously onward. It's important to mark the occasion, good or bad. Anniversaries, with their associated ceremonies and remembrances, are part of honoring the human experience.

Things sometimes happen for no reason. When you feel yourself getting upset/angry/frustrated, ask yourself, "How much will this really matter to me in a day? A week? A month?" Asking helps you gain perspective. Screaming obscenities at traffic will not get you there any faster. Things break. Maps can be wrong. Food and crumbs can be swept or vacuumed up. Socks need not match to keep little toes warm. Spilled milk takes well to a paper towel. Books were meant to be chewed on or even colored on. Pots and pans serve as perfect entertainment. Eating food off of the floor isn't going to kill your child. Screaming children eventually will quiet down.

There is no shame in admitting that you need help. Don't be afraid to ask for it and don't be afraid to help someone who needs it. A lot of bad things happen in the world because people are afraid to get involved. Care about others and give them a hand when they need it. Sometimes all they need is a chance to help themselves and you can be the one enables that!

There comes a point where you know yourself (and I'm still not at this point). It's something you “age” into. I’m learning that this is one of the many benefits of aging so embrace it. At that point you know that where you're from isn't the same as who you are. What you have isn't the same as who you are. Who you're with isn't the same as who you are. What you do isn't the same as who you are. It is very important to like and love yourself. Either learn to like the person you are, or change yourself to be more like the person you want to be. Only you can truly make yourself happy.

Your life will be what you chose to make of it. Never let other people's expectations limit your achievements and never waste energy regretting that which can't be undone. Life has different stages, make your choices such as they are and strive to do your best. Understand that you will likely never be the best at everything. Always ask for what you want, whether it's a job or help from your partner. No one will know what is bothering you unless you tell them. Most people can’t read minds. Life is not as short as you think. You do have time for a second career, a second choice, a second chance. Maybe more. The only thing that is certain is death all other things can be changed. You can make things happen if you want to.

Everyone, including children, deserves respect. Even people who you think don't know a thing can teach you a great deal. You are no better than another person just because you have a higher degree, nicer car, nicer house, or more money in the bank. What truly counts is what is in your heart. Give others the benefit of the doubt, in the hopes that the favor is returned to you someday. Doing at least one nice thing every day will do wonders for you, something as little as smiling at a stranger on the street or letting someone into traffic in front of you.

If you need somebody to act a certain way, treat them as though they already do. Adult or child, people love to live up to expectations.

Except for "I love you", I'm sorry" or "How can I help?" try to eliminate the word "I" from your conversations. Never say "I told you so".

The only person whose approval you should really seek is your own. Most of the time, you get what you give. There are people who will draw whatever conclusions they want to. No matter how you dress, look or act, there will always be those who approve and those who don't. Don’t waste you time on trying to win the approval of others. Only the Lord above is the only one that could judge and even he does not. Never ask someone's opinion if what you're truly seeking is their approval. Never be mad at someone for stating an opinion when you asked for it. Be honest in your relationships, but don't cause unecessary hurt.

Judge by actions, not by words. Actions always speak louder. Someone who is nice to you but rude to the waiter or a janitor is not a nice person. Recognize that despite all your best efforts, you cannot control the lives of others or know what is best for any person other than yourself. Be content with just controlling yourself. Listening to friends and family will bring you closer to them and enrich you more than talking at them will.

Marriage is work. Marriage takes effort. You deserve to love someone who loves you back, anything less is not good enough. A true partnership is not something that just happens - it’s a full time job, it is work, and it is hard. Marriage requires that both partners have the utmost respect for one another, implicit trust in each other and a willingness to compromise. It’s okay to love a man who doesn't dote on you and still have a very happy marriage. When you think you’re ready to start looking for a spouse, look at your friends first. Figure out which qualities you like, love and admire in your longest lasting friends. Look for those qualities in a spouse. Marry your friend. Friendship is the most enduring aspect of marriage.

Being a parent is an awesome experience and privilege. But even with all the absolute love and happiness a child creates, some people should never be parents. You don't have to be good with scissors, paper, beans, crayons, glue, etc., to be a good parent. You can be a good parent by sharing your favorite activities with your child. You are here to love, nurture, feed, cloth, shelter, and teach your children. Hold them, rock them, cuddle them as much as you want. It won't be long before their need to explore outweighs your desire to hold them near you. The love and loyalty you feel for your children will far surpass anything else you'll ever feel. Your children's faces are the most beautiful things you'll ever see.

If you chose to have children, remember that "No" means “No”, but enough doesn't always mean what you think it means. Be careful of little ears. They hear more than you think they do. Just remember that when they reach your last nerve to just step back and take a breath. . Screaming, yelling or spanking will only break their spirit, will make you feel horrible, and doesn’t accomplish a thing.

Never, ever make a promise you don't intend to keep. Kids have the memory of an elephant. If you tell your daughter at age six that she can have a horse of her own when she turns sixteen, she will remember the day, time, circumstances and exact wording of the promise and repeat them to you on her 16th birthday (trust me I know what I'm talking about). Children are entitled to bad days. Don't ever tell your child there's nothing to fear. Children have every right to be scared of anything they want just like you and me. It really doesn't matter at what age your child gives up the bottle, breast, or was potty trained. Your child will not go to kindergarten in diapers or walk the halls with a bottle. At age 6 or 7 or 17, no one will know or care about those things. Don’t compare you child to other’s children in the long run these things really do not matter.

Every family has its flaws. When you recognize them, work through it, get over it and move on. You define your relationship to your family, much as you define your friendships. My parents are not perfect, and never were. They are human and flawed, and made mistakes raising me. I am not perfect, and never will be. I am human and flawed, and will make mistakes raising you. You will not be a perfect parent either. Apologizing to your child(ren) when you've made a mistake is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Don't live your life expecting everyone and everything to be perfect. Your standards are your standards, be realistic and don't feel guilty if you don't live up to anyone else's. Trust your instincts where your life is concerned. Listen to your inner voice and know your true self.

Let your children be less than perfect. You may want to have the perfect child, but one who is happy and a joy to be around is even better. Time is an awesome commodity. It mends wounds, and it gives you energy. Every day is a miracle. Don’t waste any. Find some way to appreciate life every single day. Savor the really special moments/times in life so that they become a part of your everyday life. Relive the happy moments from your childhood now and then. Go to the zoo. Go to the museum. Throw rocks into the water. Lay in the grass and stare at the sky. Be bored sometimes. Never, ever take those you love for granted you truly don’t know how much time you have. Tell them you love them TODAY, give them a hug TODAY. Take time to appreciate why you love those you love...and tell them!

Hearts are infinitely expandable, they hold as many people as you chose. Don’t be afraid to love because you might get hurt. The saying “it is better to love and lost than never to love at all” holds true. Everyone comes into your life for a reason you just might not know the reason at that time.

Don't forget to show your pets how much you love them too.

Take care of yourself , your partner and you as a couple, and your family. Make time for yourself, time alone with your partner, time for your family together.

There's nothing wrong with having a job instead of a career. Be proud of a job well done even if it won't change the world or move you up the ladder of success. Do what makes you happy as a person not just something that may impress others.

Tomorrow is not promised to us, so live your life as though today is all you have. Grief and loss can make people either bitter or incredibly grateful for what they've had, either way, it's a choice.

It's not important for everyone to "get" you. Its okay for you, your child, your parenting decisions to be different.

Pick your battles. Some are worth winning, some are not, some you'll never win. Expend your energy wisely. No one likes someone who wins all the time, so pick which battles you don't mind losing. It goes a long way towards getting cooperation when something is important to you.

When buying work clothes at the beginning of your career, buy only classic pieces. Make sure they are good quality, stick with basic colors. Every year, add a few new shirts that are the latest colors and change your shoes to keep updated. Dress one level above your job. Always keep your chin up no matter what!

Find medical professionals you like and trust, do your own research and trust your feelings. If something feels wrong trust your feelings. Seek a second opinion or do whatever you feel needs to be done in order to receive the best healthcare for you and your family.

Remember I will always be your biggest supporter and love you more than life itself!

Last but not least… chocolate is a very inexpensive way to raise your spirit when down.

Love,
Mom
Now if anyone made it this far than I'm truly amazed. :)

Name of the Day

This is a first and middle name. Ever Caren. Guess it would be better than Don't Giva. :)

Happy Anniversary

Today Brian and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. We didn't do anything fancy. We went to a little Italian place for lunch. It was nice because it was just us. There was no cutting up food or wiping faces and hands. That in itself was a treat. I still can't believe that we have already been married for 8 years. We both have changed so much since the day we said "I do". When we said our vows we had so many dreams and we had "our plan" for our marriage and our life. I have to admit that our lives and our marriage has turned out much different than "our plans" from 8 years ago. I sit here and think about what is our marriage today? Well, it's laying in bed watching television late at night. It's laying on the floor playing with our kids on a Saturday morning. It's me looking up from my book to see Brian just staring at me and telling me how beautiful I am in my pajamas with no makeup on. Its dragging him and two fussy kids to one more store looking to look for that perfect gift. It's spending countless nights in the emergency room or the ICU with a sick child and being scared to death but relying on each other. It's our marriage and our life but it's not perfect. Sometimes it's laying side by side in bed watching the ceiling fan spin, crying because I just can't handle living without my son. It's the sharp voice or a catty comment that comes out of you when you when a simple question is asked. It wishing you could tell that young couple that got married 8 years ago today that sometimes you will have a year where there is some "worse" with the "better." Through it all we have learned God's plan is sometimes different than our own plan and that we have to trust in him. So even though "our plans" have changed over the years we have sustained it and we are stronger from it. Even on his worse day I love that man more today than even 8 years ago.

Name of the Day

I'm going to start posting some of the names that I run across while at work.

Tecklo--pronounced Teak Low--for a caucasian boy

Nugget--seriously did your Mother not want you?!?

Elizabeth and I had a discussion last week about bringing back old names. Today I had a 3 month old named Opal..love it!

Do stupid people ever sleep?

I love the new retail pharmacy blogs that I have linked into my favorite blogs to read. Those blogs help me to remember that there are worse things that I could be doing. For me, the worst day at my job is nothing compared to having to deal with all of the crap that you have to deal with in retail pharmacy. It seems like as soon as the average person walks into a pharmacy that their entire demeanor just changes and they feel like you owe them something and their IQ drops a few points. With my job people are pretty much grateful for the service that we give and it’s not a thankless job like retail. Unfortunately with any job that deals with the public you still have to interact with stupid people. With some calls no matter how hard I try I can't manage to not give a sarcastic answer. There is nothing like having to deal with things like this at 7:30 am.


Caller: My friend has been up all night doing ecstasy and now she feels sick. Is it okay for her to throw up or will that hurt her?

Me: What do you mean "hurt her"?

Caller: Could the vomiting hurt her?

Me: Compared to what? Considering that she been up all night doing ecstasy then vomiting is not the big risk here? Vomiting is not a risk unless she aspirates it into her lungs?

Caller: What do you mean?

Me: If she vomits and some of it goes into the lung and makes it difficult to breathe?

Caller: Oh, she wouldn't do that.

Me: You don't intentionally do that but there is a possibility especially when she is a little altered from her substance abuse.

Caller: Oh she wasn't abusing a substance just doing ecstasy

Me: Okay then she'll be fine.

Flashback Friday

I was going to post pictures of the kids first time in a pool since this was the first week of swimming lessons but I forgot that I had already posted this picture. Since this has been a crazy week with tons of activities I found this picture appropriate.


It's 7 am and I'm ready for a nap.

A Belated Flashback Friday

So yesterday was a busy day. I worked a 10 hour shift and then we went to the park with Brian's family. I will post more about that later next week on the kids' website. So here is the belated version of Flashback Friday



Allyson's first Fourth of July


William's first Fourth of July

I really need some accountability

I'm going to start hitting the gym again. June was basically a bust. I had two weeks that I worked over 40 hours, William was in the ICU, and then we went out of town. If you haven't noticed I'm really good at coming up with an excuse for not going to the gym. I'm really posting this because I'm looking for someone to hold me accountable because I can't seem to do that for myself. William and I are starting Mommy and Me swimming lessons next week but not even that is motivation for me. Hopefully this afternoon I will be in boot camp at 5:30. Please pray that I don't die. Okay, that is a little extreme. Just please pray that I don't embarrass myself by passing out or vomiting.

Update on the Closet

Do you remember this post? Well, there has been no progress on this project. This morning I was reading some blogs and found this link on Sherri's blog. This has made me motivated to do something. So I'm going to try the advice and use the timer. We will see how that goes.

Flashback Friday

To go along with my last post on our trip to The Woodlands I wanted to flashback to the last picture I had of the girls from pharmacy school. The last time we were together was at A&M in September 2006 but for some reason I don't have any pictures from that outing. So if anyone has pictures can you please email them to me. I also could not find our group picture from graduation so send one of those also. :) Here is a picture of us from Andrew's baby shower in March 2006. I must say we have aged well.

I'm Going to Cheat on this Post

I was trying to sit down and write something about our little trip out of town but for some reason the phone kept ringing. For those that may not know I do most of my blogging while at work..shh don't tell the boss. Anyway, while thinking about what I was going to write about I decided to sneak over to look at some other blogs to pass the time. Today must have been my lucky day because my friend already wrote everything that I was going to write. Woohoo! Though I still have a little story about a soy bean that I will have to blog about later. :)

Flashback Friday

This picture was taken just two months before William was born. I can't believe how the time has flown by and how big my little girl is getting.

Happy Father's Day!

Just wanted to take this time to recognize Father's Day. I know I give Brian a hard time but he truly is an awesome Dad. We are so blessed to have him.



Hey, plus I can show off my red dress. :)

My Ice Cream Personality Test

Your Ice Cream Personality:

You are a bit of a bragger. Your personality is larger than life - and you really enjoy showing off. You are incredibly cautious. You rather miss out on something than make a mistake. No one would ever call you wild... but they would call you responsible. You are a fairly open minded person with a wide range of tastes. You are quite accepting of unusual ideas and people. You tend to have a one track mind. You prefer not to multitask. You are fun loving and sweet. You tend to enjoy joking around and teasing people.

The Ice Cream Personality Test

I'm feeling much better today

I'm finally starting to feel better and recoverying from the little illness that I had. Here are the answers to some of the questions that I got about being ill....

1) No, I'm not pregnant.

2) I did not eat any tomatoes.

3) There are no ticks on my body and I don't have Lyme disease.

You cannot lie when your three year old is around

Yesterday evening I took the kids outside after dinner so that they could enjoy the warm weather and to hopefully wear them out a little before bedtime. I decided that I was going to let them play in the water but just did not have the energy to pull out the water toys. Being the classy mom that I am I decided to just turn on the irrigation system and let them play. While we were sitting outside I noticed that a salesman was walking down the street. A feeling of panic just came over me. Usually when they come to my door they ask if my parents are home which I reply no and slowly close the door. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be as easy this time considering I was stuck outside with two little wet kids. As I watching him move up the road I was trying to come up with a story because I just didn't want to have to get rude with this guy and just didn't want to be bothered. As he approached me I just looked at him and said "Oh, I don't live here. I just watch the kids." He gave me his card to give to the owners of the house and asked that I tell them to give him a call. As he started to walk away Allyson ran up to me and said "Mommy, what did that boy want?" I just looked at him and said "I keep them all the time. It's really sad that she calls me that."

Just One Step Back in the Journey

Everyone knows that April was an extremely hard month for me. As soon as William's birthday was over all I could think about was Andrew and relive all of those days in 2006 up until my first Mother's Day without him. Since then I have been doing well. I haven't had any of my little breakdowns where I go hide in my closet and have a good cry. In fact, I haven't even cried at all. I think the month was just so draining that I just had nothing else to feel for the moment. On Saturday I had to take William to the clinic because he hasn't been feeling well since his surgery. As we walked down the hall in the clinic we passed the office door to the pediatrician that was on call and treated Andrew after my delivery. Remember he was the one that misdiagnosed him and said that his symptoms were because he was premature. He was the one that the next morning when Andrew was being resuscitated he was telling me how he was expecting his first grandchild (a boy) in two weeks. Well, on Saturday as we walked past his door there were pictures all over his door of him playing outside with his grandson. It's amazing how one little thing can make you regress back in your stages of grief. I don't like using the typical stages of grief because I don't like the last step of acceptance. I'm mean weather you have lost a loved one or you or a family member is dying from a terminal disease do you truly deep in your heart every accept that? Maybe some people do. For me and as of now I'm not even close to acceptanting this. I like the models where the last step is reorganization or resolution. For me that just seems more realistic. Just like anything in life you always have some set backs. Here is my set back. I'm back to anger. I'm angry that this man gets to make a mistake and gets to go on with his life. I truly hope that one day I will be able to forgive him. I truly do hope that. It's just not going to be today.

Marriage Today Conference

I have been watching Marriage Today on Daystar for about the last two years. Last year Brian and I attended the Marriage on the Rock conference. It was great to have a night without the kids, spend some time reconnecting with each other, and learning some valuable information to help strengthen our marriage. The conference is laid back and talks about the everyday couple. I would highly recommend going or at least looking at what they have to offer. Here is a link to this years conference.

Flashback Friday

Summer is here and hopefully things will slow down so we can relax. Here is pictures of the kids' first summer.

Allyson--Summer 2005



William--Summer 2007

It's Time to Come Out of the Closet

I'm still in the middle of my spring cleaning. It has taken me so long that this year I guess it will turn into my summer cleaning. I usually enjoy cleaning out all of our closets and drawers and making everything neat and tidy but now trying to do it while chasing two kids around is very overwhelming to me. Allyson and William's rooms are easy because I have two piles. I have the pile of clothes that they have out grown and the pile of clothes that could potentially fit next year. I take the pile of clothes they have out grown and box up the ones I could potentially use again. Though at this point the only way I would get pregnant would have to be from immaculate conception because Brian states "he is so done!" The playroom and living room are easy because Allyson gets to help. She is very good at getting rid of her toys that she no longer plays with because she has come to the conclusion that if she gives her old toys to the "poor kids" than she is being nice and will get new ones. I like to spin it so it looks like she has a big heart but in reality she is just looking out for number one. My laundry room pretty much stays organized and the kitchen is not a problem because that is Brian's area of the house. He has things organized the way he wants them and I will leave it at that. I know that most of ya'll are just rolling your eyes at me because I'm always getting the comments about how our house is so clean and organized. I'm always getting asked how we keep it that way with two kids, a dog, and me working so much. The short answer I believe is my undiagnosed OCD. It's time for me to admit that I do have one downfall to my organization and that is my closet. I have to admit that I don't think I have ever really tried to clean it out. I hate trying to purge clothes and will have to admit that I probably don't even wear 80% of the things that are in there. I have no idea why I hang onto these things that I will never wear again. So it is time to face the dreaded closet. While going through the closet I came across all kinds of things I didn't even know I still had. I found my letter jacket, senior prom dress (gave Jessica my junior prom dress years ago), bridesmaid dresses, clothes from high school, clothes I wore while at A&M, maternity clothes, my "skinny clothes" which are so out of date, and my "fat clothes" which are the ones I wore my last two years of pharmacy school before I was pregnant. See, I told you that I don't clean out my closet...it's full of crap!

I looked at this stuffed closet and knew that it was time to do something about it.



So I decided to procrastinate some more and play dress up instead of cleaning out the closet. This dress isn't old and is actually the one that I'm wearing to the American Red Cross Gala. I was just so excited because it is red, I feel comfortable wearing it, and most of all it was under $100.



Here is the bridesmaid dress from Abby's wedding. I actually liked this dress for a bridesmaid dress.



Here is the dress that I took my engagement photos in. I can't believe that was already 8 years ago.



Don't laugh! Here is my senior prom dress. Yes it was the 90's and no it still doesn't fit. Why is this still in my closet?!?



Okay, so I'm making this post so that now hopefully someone will hold me accountable for cleaning out that dreaded closet. Hopefully there soon will a part II to this story.

I'm throwing in the towel on Flashback Friday

Every Friday I vow that I'm going to do the Flashback Friday photo and every Friday the day just gets away with me. This past Friday was just so crazy that even before Brian left the house he asked me what I was going to do for the day and my only answer was I'm going to just survive. Ever have one of those days? Well, that is where I was. William has two teeth coming in. Allyson was being a sassy three year old who keeps reminding me that she will be four in August. I was a mom on little sleep and had a busy day ahead of me. One day I will get it all together for a Flashback Friday but last Friday was not going to be the day. Maybe this will be the week I get everything done...yea right!

You just can't fix stupid

So I have yet to blog about all of the stupid calls I get from work because if I started doing that I would be blogging at least ten times a day on my days at work. If I started to do that I really would start to go crazy or would probably be fired. Now don’t get me wrong, I don't have a problem talking to a caller that is asking stupid questions when they are really scared or concerned but some of my callers are truly just a waste of space on this earth. Take for instance the call I just received. The caller sounded like he was in his 50's or 60's.

C: I would like to make a complaint
R: Okay, what is your complaint?
C: There is a product that is on the market that is poisoning the public and something needs to be done about it.
R: Okay, what is the product?
C: It is harmful chemicals in cigarettes.
R: Yes, and your point is? Cigarettes are harmful they even have a warning label on the carton.
C: For the past 20 years of more they have been putting harmful chemicals in cigarettes and nothing is being done about it and I need to complain.
R: Well, are you using these cigarettes?
C: Yes, I have been smoking them for the past 20 years.

The conversation goes on and I go on to tell him that we don't deal with these kinds of issues and that this is an emergency hotline. He says this is an emergency. I’m thinking to myself you have been smoking these deadly cigarettes for 20 years and today it becomes an emergency. I finally had to just hang up on the guy because sometimes you just can’t fix stupid.

Happy Mother's Day!

Just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends! Since I was busy on Friday to do Flashback Friday I'm adding a picture today from Mother's Day 2006.



For me this picture is bittersweet. First of all please excuse our clothing attire (we are on our way to a UT party). I love this picture because this was one of my favorite times with Allyson. She was 20 months old in this picture and really turning into her own little person. This was also the first picture that I have of myself after Andrew. It was my first Mother's Day being the mother of an angel and it was also the one month anniversary of Andrew's birth.




Here we are Mother's Day 2008. We have come along way in the past 2 years. I have truly been blessed with three amazing gifts from God. I'm so blessed to be their mom.