My New Year's Resolution

So as I was surfing the internet this morning (of course while at work). I came across this article and thought it was a good read. It just helped me validate some of my thoughts/feelings about being married and know that in order to have a wonderful you must really work on it daily. Brian and I have a really great relationship but just like any couple there is always something that could use some improvement (or maybe I'm just really anal and want the "perfect" marriage). Anyway instead of making the New Year's "diet resolution" with everyone else in America (except my skinny friends --yes Tracy I'm talking about you, you are truly my inspiration) I have decided on working on getting my identity back (you know that thing you loose after you have a baby) and figuring out the person I am now. So here is to 2008 and working on a "new and improved me". Well at least for the first two weeks....

Here is the Parenting Book that I would run out and buy

Yes, it is Christmas day and I'm at work and bored out of my mind. Today has been rather slow considering that Galveston (the largest center) is closed. I actually spent 30 minutes on the phone with a little 93 year old lady whose only really issues was that she was lonely and possibly a little crazy (but that is another blog). Usually I would have cut her off and told her that this was an emergency hotline but hey it is Christmas and I did feel bad for her. While I was listening to her tell me her life story I was reading the news online. I came across this entertainment news. Here is a "Christian Parenting" book that I'm going to run out and buy--ha!

Silent Night & The Angels among me

Every year one of our traditions is to go back home and to go to church with my Grandmother. I really love seeing my Grandmother light up when she proudly shows off Allyson and William to all of her friends. Since as long as I can remember the service has always ended with singing "Silent Night" by candle light. I love seeing all of the people getting close to their love ones and even the few (including me) that shed a few tears. Oh how this song really gets to me. My friend Tracy put it well in her blog. I guess it is the "sleep in heavenly peace" that really makes me shed a tear. I think of all the people that we have lost this year and of course I think of my dear Andrew. I can't believe that he is already spending his second Christmas in heaven this year. I light a candle in memory of him and the peace for me is knowing that we will be united in heaven.

On Christmas Eve we went out to the cemetery. It was so cold but we bundled up together and I read "Room for a Little One" to Allyson and William. We walked around and visited all the new markers for this year and talked about heaven. How I hate that Allyson is having to learn about death at such a young age but I hope that it helps her realize sooner than I did how precious life is and to not take the little things for granted.

On our trip home last night the song "Angels Among Us" by Alabama was playing on the trip home and how ironically that is was right at the time I was passing a little country cemetery in the middle of nowhere. Of course my first thought was of Andrew. For me, my children are the angels among me. Andrew has taught me more than anyone could in the few short hours he spent on earth. Through him I have truly learned how abuntly blessed that I am. I have also learned to not sweat the small stuff and to take the time to smell the roses. Life goes by in a blink of a eye and life truly is so fragile. It has also made me realize that when you are gone from this earth that your job will be replaced in the blink of an eye and your material possesions will be gone but that the impact that you make on your family and friends will last forever. For my two angels that walk the earth I am so thankful and blessed to be your mother. You both teach me everyday to look at the world through your innocent eyes and how to be a better person.

Happy Birthday Honey!!

Well today Brian turns the big 35!!! I can't believe that I have been with Brian for 10 of his birthdays! Brian doesn't seem to care about his birthdays so there is no big celebration or anything like that. I just want to take the time to announce his Birthday and let him know how much I love him. Brian, you are a wonderful man. Thank you for loving me through all of my craziness and being such a wonderful father.

Even housework can reflect ones life

Since my Andrew died almost 20 months ago, my house is not as clean as it once was. I used to clean constantly; even the baseboards were dusted on a regular basis. When Andrew died I just did not have the energy to do as much housework, so I did what I could and hoped that no one would notice the baseboards. I also realize that Allyson did not care how clean the house was, but she really seemed to enjoy that mommy spent more time with her reading, talking, snuggling and playing. Before Andrew died I felt that a clean house made me agood mom. After he died, I changed my priorities very quickly. The house will be clean when the children go to college or get married. I will never live in a Martha Stewart or Better Homes and Gardens house. A few weeks ago I was cleaning because Brians' friend was coming over. I cleaned the common areas of the house, only what would seen, the rest would be hidden behind a closed door and a hope that he would not notice that I haven’t dusted or mopped for a while. As I cleaned, I realized that this house is now a reflection of my life. My life fell apart when Andrew died. I am a work in progress to put it back together. The end result is a life that seems “normal” on the outside to the casual observer but if you look real close the hurt and pain are still there. What the world sees is a person who has triumphed over the death of her child, because they only glance. Those who look closely, in the cracks and crevices where the dust settles, see that there is forever a changed person, who will never be complete again until she is reunited with her child.

I Will Stalk you forever....

I love books. I love books for kids. I probably have a hundred books for my kids in my home. Not just the standards that most people have. I even have some that are not super common. Will someone please explain the appeal of the book "Love You Forever." Let me start by saying I don’t hate this book. I think it could be kind of sweet…in a disturbing way. And I do get the intended moral. (I think.) Brian won't even read this book for it makes him tear up and he is not that "sappy" kind of guy. This book just creeps me out.

For those of you who don’t know the story, basically it is how a boy goes through the different stages of life and his mother is always there to love him. Literally. I mean, that mom is always there! She sneaks up on him all the time when he is sleeping and picks him up, rocks him and sings to him. When he is a baby she does this. When he is 9 yrs old, she does this. When he is a teenager, she does this. When the boy grows up and moves across town, she drives in her car (with the ladder strapped to the top of the car) climbs into his window, crawls across the floor and…yes…picks him up into her lap and rocks and sings with him. I kid you not. Then she gets too old to do this, so the boy goes to her house, picks her up and rocks and sings to her.
Am I the only personwho thinks this book is a bit creepy?! The mom, for all intents and purposes is stalking her son. (Personally, it would scare the beejeezus out of me if my mom was always sneaking into my room and picking me up to sing to me. Can we say therapy??) And then, the son carries on this…ummm….tradition. Oh and less I forget, the Boy carries on the tradition of sneaking/rocking/singing with is daughter.
Don’t just give me the “It is a story of enduring love between parent and child” crap. You don’t have to stalk to love. I am pretty sure that is a law.
So tell me, am I the only person disturbed by this book?

Am I getting old?!?

So I just had my 29th birthday on the 14th of November. I have never had any problems with getting old and my own birthday is just not a big deal to me. In the back of my mind I know that I need to take better care of myself and know that later on time will start to take a toll me more than it already has. As I was driving to work yesterday I was checking my makeup in the mirror and noticed that I have the "worried wrinkle" in between my eyes. My first thought was where did that come frome and the brief thought of botox went through my mind which was such a funny thought for me since I'm definetly not vain about my looks. I just kept thinking of the women on The Real Housewives of Orange County and how there faces look frozen from all of the face lifts and botox injections. Just my first real realization that I'm getting older. Oh well, I'll take it with stride...30 here I come!

12 things I'm thankful for

So I know that Thanksgiving was about 10 days ago but I'm just now getting around to putting a list together of things that I'm thankful for. It seems that some people go through more pain and suffering than others. Often times we find ourselves asking what there is to be thankful for.
Do we really believe that there is nothing in life to be thankful for? Here is just a small list of the things that I’m thankful for

1. I’m thankful for the 19 hours I had with Andrew, even though his life was taken to soon.
2. I’m thankful for the special bond I have with my grandmother.
3. I’m thankful for my children who have given me a reason to live.
4. I’m thankful that in the midst of my tears there are those who care enough about me to try to get a smile.
5. I’m thankful that I have the strength to meet each challenge that I’m faced with.
6. I’m thankful that I had parents who cared and who challenged me to be the best person that I can be.
7. I’m thankful for each sweet memory.
8. I’m thankful for tears. I cannot imagine what it would be like to be unfeeling.
9. I’m thankful that I found God when all faith in him was gone.
10. I’m thankful that Allyson still wants me to tuck her into bed at night.
11. I’m thankful for lessons learned.
12. I’m thankful for all that life has given me.

Smile, you’re happier than you think, because there is much in life to be thankful for.

Happy Tuesday!

Kind of a slow start...

Okay so I'm not getting a good start of this whole blogging thing. In my "spare time" I'm usually running around the house trying to get things done. If you want to know the truth the only time that I have time to even update the kids' website is at work--shh don't tell the boss. :) I guess my New Year's resolution will be do become a better blogger. I think that will be a good resolution considering that I know I will fail at the working out thing...who am I kidding.

Alone with my crazy thoughts....

So many of my friends enjoy reading about the kids on their website but often comment that I don't write much about myself. Well for my close friends and family you know that I'm truly an open book and will talk about any random thought that I have. I don't have a filter on my thoughts that come flying out of my mouth. I have decided to make an attempt to start blogging. This is not going to be some intense look into my psyche or anything like that just a place for my random thoughts. I look at this as free therapy. It helps me look at where I have come from and where I am going. Posting some how gives me more validation of my feelings to know that I'm not alone with my crazy thoughts and that others may understand where I'm coming from in this crazy world that we live in....