It was almost midnight when I finished my last post and as soon as I finished my post William woke up. Over the past year I have never once truly complained about getting up with William in the middle of the night. The year after Andrew passed when I was pregnant with William I spent countless nights awake. The majority of my time was spent crying, grieving, and praying over William. I would sit in my rocker and just hold my belly and talk to William, to Andrew, and to God. I truly cherished every moment I was pregnant with William. I was terrified that the only time I would have with him would be while I was pregnant. I wanted to remember every moment of it. I'm truly so happy and so blessed to now have these nights awake with my little man. Tonight as I was rocking him back to sleep I looked at the clock and it was 12:01 am. It is now officially William's first birthday. As I laid William onto my chest I softly sang the Happy Birthday song to him. As I was singing to him he lifted his head, barely opened his lttle eyes and smiled at me. He then laid his head on my chest and put his hand on my face. As a mom it was priceless. I know today like many milestones we will have before us will be bittersweet. I alway take the day and focus on my children and the special day but sometime in the day I will take the time to just let my crazy thoughts take over for just a moment. Today, I will wonder what characteristics the boys would have shared and imagine what Andrew would have looked like at his first birthday. Today is William's big day but just for a moment I will need to be alone with my crazy thoughts.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
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2 comments:
Omgoodness! Happy Birthday to William!
You just keep holding that baby in the night. Those times are precious as you know!
Hope it was a wonderful day with lots of joy and even a little time for sad reflection. Even though I haven't had the grief of losing a child, I still understand what you mean about cherishing those middle of the night times. In the midst of all my sleep deprivation, the middle of the night was one of my favorite times with Sterling - so peaceful, intimate, and full of awe at this little life. I wouldn't trade it for all the sleep in the world. Glad you got to have one with William at such a special time.
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