What a Beautiful Blog

A few months ago I found this blog on blogspot and was following it for a few weeks. As with most things in my life I get overwhelmed and forget about somethings I had been doing (almost like the forgetting to take care of myself for the past 2 years). Out of the blue this morning a friend sent me a link to the blog I had been following. Please go take a look at her journey. I think it is absolutely amazing how she has journaled about her journey. I have tried to do this myself but just didn't always have the emotional strenght to do it. All I can say is what a beautiful blog.

Recipe for removing crayons from clothes

Finally Saturday night I sat down with the white laundry that was now decorated with bright pink crayola markings. After much research on the internet I finally decided on a recipe for removing the markings. I spot treated the spots with Murphy's Oil Soap. On the deeper stains I used the Oil Soap and Dawn Soap. I then ran the laundry with 2 scoops of Oxiclean. I then reran the load as usual with detergent and a scoop of Oxiclean. Luckily all the stains are gone and I got my bra back good as new---well as good as it was. :)

This Was A Lot of Fun!

69 words

Speedtest

You know your a Mom when you own a pink bra designed by Crayola

Last night Brian took Allyson to gymnastics and even wiggle worm William went along for the ride. (His nickname of "Mad Dog" just didn't seem to stick to my lovable baby!) After work I ran home to do some much needed chores around the house. It just amazing how much you can do without a 11 month old stuck to your hip and a 3 year old right behind you talking your ear off. I was straightening up and washing clothes. After the kids came home we had snacks, bath, and bed and I was working on the final load of laundry. All I had left was a load of light clothing. Well I pulled the load out of the dryer and everything is covered in bright pink crayon. Lately Allyson favortie color has been pink. I'm sure I already know what happened. She probably was at school and found a pink crayon that she feel in love with and she "jacked" the crayon to take home! I was just so upset with the laundry but even more upset about my Victoria Secret bra that was in the wash that got the brunt of the crayola markings. It wouldn't be such a big deal except that I just threw out a bunch of bras. Between the nursing bras (that I would have loved to have burned) and the ones that don't fit from the weight loss I was down to that one bra and need a much needed bra shopping trip. So today for work I'm wearing a new outfit that I bought with my Biggest Loser winnings and underneath I'm wearing my crayola pink bra. Only a Mommy would understand.

Still just as mean but a little leaner

So Saturday we had another session with the trainer. I wasn't really in a great place on Saturday so getting weighed and measured was just icing on the cake. This was the 5th week of having a trainer. No we haven't made it to both sessions every week but we are still getting there when we can so that must count for something. His records show that I have lost 5lbs over the last the last 5 weeks. My records show that I lost 7 lbs. I'm assuming the difference is the bowl of cereal and 2 bottles of water that I drank before his weigh in (okay I didn't know we were being weighed that morning. I would have also wore something lighter. ;) ). Either way based off of the percentage of body fat I have lost 7% of body fat. So in reality I have lost 11 lbs of fat and gained 6lbs of muscle. So yes I may be leaner but still just as mean. :)

Just a Quick Update

I thought that I should send out a little post since I was in such a bad place the last time I was here. The weekend ended up going smoothly. Friday was horrible. Saturday was bearable and Sunday was Easter and a celebration. Good Friday and Andrew's birthday are the two hardest days for me. Holy Saturday or the day of his death are also hard but not like his birthday or the thought of Good Friday. The pain of knowing that his birthday should be a day of celebration and all that I'm missing just hurts. As William grows I just wonder how much he is like his older brother and I can only imagine. It's also hard to imagine that I would have never known William if we had never gone through our loss. I'm so thankful and blessed to have William. Yesterday on the way to Matt and Millie's house Allyson was "chatting" to herself in her car seat. She was telling me how she was talking to her brother last night. I told her William was in bed with Mommy and Daddy. She told me "no mommy I was talking to Andrew". I asked her what he said. She said "he said to tell Mommy not to be sad because she didn't see the Easter bunny". We hunted Easter eggs on Saturday and afterward she found me crying in my closet. She thought I was crying because I didn't get to see the bunny! Either way just her innocent thoughts comforted me.

Good Friday really isn't that Great

Many probably have never realized but Andrew was born on Good Friday (April 14, 2006). Last year during Good Friday I was still in the hospital with William. During that time I was filled with anxiety on that day but I contributed most of it to hormons after just having a baby. I realize that Good Friday is on a different day every year so its not like it is his birthday but still this time of year is very traumatic for me. Since the beginning of this year this weekend has been in the back of my mind (along with April 14-15). Until this morning I have really been fine. No panic attacks. No bouts of uncontrolable crying. All in all I have been doing rather well. I do realize that I have two healthy and beautiful kids to celebrate this time of year but there are still some things that haunt me. Well everything changed at 2 am this morning. I woke up in a cold sweat and just had an overwhelming feeling of panic. The weekend that we went through 2 years ago just kept going through my mind. I finally got up and just had to get out of the house. So I did the two things that help me cope through things...shopping and working out. So at 4 am I was at Walmart just wondering the aisles and 5 am I was at the gym....I guess that is better than sitting down and eating an entire chocolate cake (which I would have probably done about 6 months ago to help cope through my grief). Good Friday is the most mournful day in the Christian calendar and for me it also is but in a more personal way. I now know that this weekend will be more difficult than I expected. Our family will get through this we have learned just like anything you go through in life that some days are easier than other. Sometimes you just have to day it day by day or even minute by minute. I now know that this weekend will be more of taking it minute by minute. This weekend we will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and on a more personal note we will celebrate Andrew's short time with us on this earth.