Good Friday really isn't that Great

Many probably have never realized but Andrew was born on Good Friday (April 14, 2006). Last year during Good Friday I was still in the hospital with William. During that time I was filled with anxiety on that day but I contributed most of it to hormons after just having a baby. I realize that Good Friday is on a different day every year so its not like it is his birthday but still this time of year is very traumatic for me. Since the beginning of this year this weekend has been in the back of my mind (along with April 14-15). Until this morning I have really been fine. No panic attacks. No bouts of uncontrolable crying. All in all I have been doing rather well. I do realize that I have two healthy and beautiful kids to celebrate this time of year but there are still some things that haunt me. Well everything changed at 2 am this morning. I woke up in a cold sweat and just had an overwhelming feeling of panic. The weekend that we went through 2 years ago just kept going through my mind. I finally got up and just had to get out of the house. So I did the two things that help me cope through things...shopping and working out. So at 4 am I was at Walmart just wondering the aisles and 5 am I was at the gym....I guess that is better than sitting down and eating an entire chocolate cake (which I would have probably done about 6 months ago to help cope through my grief). Good Friday is the most mournful day in the Christian calendar and for me it also is but in a more personal way. I now know that this weekend will be more difficult than I expected. Our family will get through this we have learned just like anything you go through in life that some days are easier than other. Sometimes you just have to day it day by day or even minute by minute. I now know that this weekend will be more of taking it minute by minute. This weekend we will celebrate the resurrection of Jesus and on a more personal note we will celebrate Andrew's short time with us on this earth.