Just One Step Back in the Journey

Everyone knows that April was an extremely hard month for me. As soon as William's birthday was over all I could think about was Andrew and relive all of those days in 2006 up until my first Mother's Day without him. Since then I have been doing well. I haven't had any of my little breakdowns where I go hide in my closet and have a good cry. In fact, I haven't even cried at all. I think the month was just so draining that I just had nothing else to feel for the moment. On Saturday I had to take William to the clinic because he hasn't been feeling well since his surgery. As we walked down the hall in the clinic we passed the office door to the pediatrician that was on call and treated Andrew after my delivery. Remember he was the one that misdiagnosed him and said that his symptoms were because he was premature. He was the one that the next morning when Andrew was being resuscitated he was telling me how he was expecting his first grandchild (a boy) in two weeks. Well, on Saturday as we walked past his door there were pictures all over his door of him playing outside with his grandson. It's amazing how one little thing can make you regress back in your stages of grief. I don't like using the typical stages of grief because I don't like the last step of acceptance. I'm mean weather you have lost a loved one or you or a family member is dying from a terminal disease do you truly deep in your heart every accept that? Maybe some people do. For me and as of now I'm not even close to acceptanting this. I like the models where the last step is reorganization or resolution. For me that just seems more realistic. Just like anything in life you always have some set backs. Here is my set back. I'm back to anger. I'm angry that this man gets to make a mistake and gets to go on with his life. I truly hope that one day I will be able to forgive him. I truly do hope that. It's just not going to be today.

Marriage Today Conference

I have been watching Marriage Today on Daystar for about the last two years. Last year Brian and I attended the Marriage on the Rock conference. It was great to have a night without the kids, spend some time reconnecting with each other, and learning some valuable information to help strengthen our marriage. The conference is laid back and talks about the everyday couple. I would highly recommend going or at least looking at what they have to offer. Here is a link to this years conference.

Flashback Friday

Summer is here and hopefully things will slow down so we can relax. Here is pictures of the kids' first summer.

Allyson--Summer 2005



William--Summer 2007

It's Time to Come Out of the Closet

I'm still in the middle of my spring cleaning. It has taken me so long that this year I guess it will turn into my summer cleaning. I usually enjoy cleaning out all of our closets and drawers and making everything neat and tidy but now trying to do it while chasing two kids around is very overwhelming to me. Allyson and William's rooms are easy because I have two piles. I have the pile of clothes that they have out grown and the pile of clothes that could potentially fit next year. I take the pile of clothes they have out grown and box up the ones I could potentially use again. Though at this point the only way I would get pregnant would have to be from immaculate conception because Brian states "he is so done!" The playroom and living room are easy because Allyson gets to help. She is very good at getting rid of her toys that she no longer plays with because she has come to the conclusion that if she gives her old toys to the "poor kids" than she is being nice and will get new ones. I like to spin it so it looks like she has a big heart but in reality she is just looking out for number one. My laundry room pretty much stays organized and the kitchen is not a problem because that is Brian's area of the house. He has things organized the way he wants them and I will leave it at that. I know that most of ya'll are just rolling your eyes at me because I'm always getting the comments about how our house is so clean and organized. I'm always getting asked how we keep it that way with two kids, a dog, and me working so much. The short answer I believe is my undiagnosed OCD. It's time for me to admit that I do have one downfall to my organization and that is my closet. I have to admit that I don't think I have ever really tried to clean it out. I hate trying to purge clothes and will have to admit that I probably don't even wear 80% of the things that are in there. I have no idea why I hang onto these things that I will never wear again. So it is time to face the dreaded closet. While going through the closet I came across all kinds of things I didn't even know I still had. I found my letter jacket, senior prom dress (gave Jessica my junior prom dress years ago), bridesmaid dresses, clothes from high school, clothes I wore while at A&M, maternity clothes, my "skinny clothes" which are so out of date, and my "fat clothes" which are the ones I wore my last two years of pharmacy school before I was pregnant. See, I told you that I don't clean out my closet...it's full of crap!

I looked at this stuffed closet and knew that it was time to do something about it.



So I decided to procrastinate some more and play dress up instead of cleaning out the closet. This dress isn't old and is actually the one that I'm wearing to the American Red Cross Gala. I was just so excited because it is red, I feel comfortable wearing it, and most of all it was under $100.



Here is the bridesmaid dress from Abby's wedding. I actually liked this dress for a bridesmaid dress.



Here is the dress that I took my engagement photos in. I can't believe that was already 8 years ago.



Don't laugh! Here is my senior prom dress. Yes it was the 90's and no it still doesn't fit. Why is this still in my closet?!?



Okay, so I'm making this post so that now hopefully someone will hold me accountable for cleaning out that dreaded closet. Hopefully there soon will a part II to this story.

I'm throwing in the towel on Flashback Friday

Every Friday I vow that I'm going to do the Flashback Friday photo and every Friday the day just gets away with me. This past Friday was just so crazy that even before Brian left the house he asked me what I was going to do for the day and my only answer was I'm going to just survive. Ever have one of those days? Well, that is where I was. William has two teeth coming in. Allyson was being a sassy three year old who keeps reminding me that she will be four in August. I was a mom on little sleep and had a busy day ahead of me. One day I will get it all together for a Flashback Friday but last Friday was not going to be the day. Maybe this will be the week I get everything done...yea right!

You just can't fix stupid

So I have yet to blog about all of the stupid calls I get from work because if I started doing that I would be blogging at least ten times a day on my days at work. If I started to do that I really would start to go crazy or would probably be fired. Now don’t get me wrong, I don't have a problem talking to a caller that is asking stupid questions when they are really scared or concerned but some of my callers are truly just a waste of space on this earth. Take for instance the call I just received. The caller sounded like he was in his 50's or 60's.

C: I would like to make a complaint
R: Okay, what is your complaint?
C: There is a product that is on the market that is poisoning the public and something needs to be done about it.
R: Okay, what is the product?
C: It is harmful chemicals in cigarettes.
R: Yes, and your point is? Cigarettes are harmful they even have a warning label on the carton.
C: For the past 20 years of more they have been putting harmful chemicals in cigarettes and nothing is being done about it and I need to complain.
R: Well, are you using these cigarettes?
C: Yes, I have been smoking them for the past 20 years.

The conversation goes on and I go on to tell him that we don't deal with these kinds of issues and that this is an emergency hotline. He says this is an emergency. I’m thinking to myself you have been smoking these deadly cigarettes for 20 years and today it becomes an emergency. I finally had to just hang up on the guy because sometimes you just can’t fix stupid.

Happy Mother's Day!

Just wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to all of my friends! Since I was busy on Friday to do Flashback Friday I'm adding a picture today from Mother's Day 2006.



For me this picture is bittersweet. First of all please excuse our clothing attire (we are on our way to a UT party). I love this picture because this was one of my favorite times with Allyson. She was 20 months old in this picture and really turning into her own little person. This was also the first picture that I have of myself after Andrew. It was my first Mother's Day being the mother of an angel and it was also the one month anniversary of Andrew's birth.




Here we are Mother's Day 2008. We have come along way in the past 2 years. I have truly been blessed with three amazing gifts from God. I'm so blessed to be their mom.