HELP! I Have Lost Something Extremely IMPORTANT...

Has anyone seen my babies? The last time I turned around I was the mother of a 2 year old and an infant. Tomorrow I will be taking a kindergartener to her first day of school and a toddler to the last year before starting real school curriculum. How did this happen? Time is just getting away so fast. Yesterday, when we were getting ready for Allyson's party I had her doing chores. At the end I told Allyson there was one last thing I needed from her. She replied "what Mamma?” I said can you please stop growing on me? She responded "oh Mamma you are so cute."

Lately...

I took this idea from a post from Mckmamma. If you don't read her blog go check it out and while your at it please pray for baby Stellan.



And lately I have been



..........going on a handful of hours of sleep

..........contemplating change


..........kicking myself because I'm still not catching up on the baby albums

..........kicking myself because I'm still not back at the gym like I would like to be

..........realizing that I will never have the abdominal muscles you have before you have kids

..........counting the days until Brian graduates

..........praying for patience (a 4 year girl and 2 year old boy can be daunting at times)

..........giving up on trying to potty train this summer

..........enjoying the sun

..........enjoying the kids

..........taking the time to spend quite time with Brian


..........praying that God will give us the wisdom and direction for our family

New Family Blog

For those that missed the email for the link to the new family blog. Here is the link. I will discontinue posting on babyhomepages and everything will now be on blogspot.

Happy Anniversary

For our 9th Wedding Anniversary Brian and I spent two nights in San Antonio at the La Cantera Resort. It was so nice to get away with no kids and no plans. We spent the time shopping, strolling the riverwalk, visiting a comedy club, sleeping in with room service, lounging by the pool, massages at the spa, and enjoyed a wonderful dinner at The Lodge at Castle Hill. This is the only picture we took the entire trip. Happy Anniversary Honey!

A New Blog is in the Works

I just wanted to let everyone know that I am in the process of shutting down the website that I have for the kids and will be moving everything over to blogspot in the few weeks. I want to have something a little more up and running before I post my link. I just wanted to let everyone know that this is why I haven't been posting on the website. Since my kids are growing up I thought it was time to remove the site from a baby homepage. I finally found a template that represents my family and now I'm motivated to start some new chapters in our life. For just a little sneak peak the template contains 5 flowers that represents our family. The flowers are surrounded by butterflies. Since Andrew's death I have new interest in butterflies (and dragonflies) for many reasons. For one they just remind me of him and how delicate and short his little life was. Also butterflies undergo a major transformation process as part of its normal life cycle and this cycle reminds me of the grief process and our family. In some ways I view my own life as the butterfly. With the grief process, the bereaved person must learn how to deal with the loss and significant changes. Many people hide away from the rest of the world much like being in a cocoon while trying to heal. This cocoon phase is one of transformation and often introspection and reflection. This is was part of the reason I started my own personal blog. After three long years I'm finally reaching the stage where the process ends as the person emerges from their cocoon, metamorphosed into a different person. Thus the transformation of the grieving process is much like the story of the butterfly. You have to go through many trials and tribulations in life, take the time to learn and self reflect, and then come back stronger and more beautiful than ever. Our family is symbolized by the butterfly. It is a symbol of joy, happiness, of spring, rebirth and renewal.

Happy Mother's Day

Today we had a wonderful day. Brian let me sleep in this morning and took care of the kids. After I woke up I was showered with gifts from the kids. I received VS panties and a Wexler facial kit (see my fav things blog for more info). These gifts are my staple gifts because I really couldn't think of anything I wanted other than a H20 mop (my practical gift). I really would have been fine with the mop but I didn't want to make Brian look bad when people asked what I got for Mother's Day and my response was a mop. Even when you try to justify it by saying that it was something that you really wanted it just usually doesn't go over well. Allyson also gave me her gift that she made in preschool. It was 4 pieces of heart shaped chocolate with a card that she made. The rest of the day was just a lazy Sunday we laid around and didn't do much at all. For dinner Brian and the kids took me to Texas Roadhouse where we ate like little piggies. (I hope Mother's Day calories don't count for my weigh in on Friday..lol.) Then I spent the rest of my day at work. Well that was not so hot but overall, a great day. My favorite part of my day (other than sleeping in) was my card from Allyson that Brian bought. It was a 3 page card that had little blanks that she filled out. My favorite one was name three things you love about your mom. Allyson's response was 1) face, 2) hair, and 3) toes...such a girl.

Andrew's 3rd Angel Anniversary

I have to say that after this week I'm just emotionally and physically exhausted. I have no more energy to write about my feelings but I'm just to the point that I'm just numb. Some days it feels like loosing Andrew just happened and others it feels so far away like it was almost a dream. I have nothing more to say about today. Life is so unfair and I don’t understand the “whys” of it all. But I do know that God is faithful, no matter how I feel in the moment. I am convinced that He is the answer. I decided to share one of the poems that was read at his funeral.

God, Take This Child....

Sweet child whom we never really got to know,
It's hard for us to let you go.
We waited and we wanted you.
We had so many dreams for you.

We think of smiles we'll never see.
We think of events that will never be.
There will be no first steps and no first teeth.
There is only a void and our own grief.

We planned to take you to places far and near.
We yearned to keep you safe and free from fear.
We hoped to show you much of your new world.
We wanted to teach you as your life unfurled.

It's hard to understand why you, our baby, died.
We feel so numb right now, many tears we've cried.
We have so many questions and no answers seem to come.
We tried so hard to save you; nothing could be done.

God, we stand before you broken-hearted
and ask you to heal these lives that must be parted
from this little one we can no longer hold,
who will always be a part of us, even when we're old.

God, take this child in your loving arms.

No more can he suffer any harm.
Bless him always and bless us too.
Be with us and help us to make it through